VALENTINE’S DAY HAS BEEN CANCELLED

It’s valentine’s day.

The day of love and sweetness and romance and chocolates and friendship and laughter, and overpriced mediocre dinners, long waits at restaurants and unrealistic expectations.

My sweetheart made me a valentine.

Not a store bought card. No cut flowers or crap chocolate.

A valentine.

See!

He woke up this morning, sweet as ever, the way he always does, and I…

woke up with pms.

I hate the world and I’m not getting out of bed.

Ok, I am getting out of bed, but I’m not happy about it.

Or anything, really.

I hate noise.

And quiet.

Simultaneously.

I’m on the verge of laughing.

No, crying.

No, laughing.

Nope, definitely crying.

Crying over... I don’t remember.

Do we have any chocolate?

This is fucking unfair having pms on valentine’s day.

Did you know you can be mad and irritated BECAUSE you are mad and irritated?

Yea.

Somehow, because it’s valentine’s day, I feel less entitled to having a bad day today.

Not that I feel entitled to a bad day any other day, but TODAY! Come on!

It’s valentine’s day!

I want to crawl into bed and pout and watch a movie and eat chocolate ice cream.

But it’s 70 degrees outside and it’s sunny!

And it’s valentines day!

I want to stay in my pj’s and make long lists of creative insults because somehow there seems to be a nonstop flow of them in my head.

But it’s Valentine’s day!

I should be taking a romantic walk with my honey!

We should be holding hands and smooching while we walk because it’s fun and it irritates people who aren’t smooching to see other people smooching.

The fact that it’s Valentine’s day somehow takes precedence over my unruly hormones and uncanny desire to hide under a pile of blankets with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

Wouldn’t it be easier if I could just accept that it would be better (for all of us) if I just went to my room and made a beeline for the blankets?

Somehow my hormones missed the memo that, it’s Valentine’s day, and all of humanity is expected to be in various states of suspended bliss until the stroke of midnight.

Yep.

Happy PMS day.

Valentine’s day has been cancelled.